• Character

    God Doesn’t Need Me Anymore

    I remember sitting in the tiny blue trailer that I called ‘home’ when the supposed reality hit me like a ton of bricks. God doesn’t need me anymore. I was suffering a crisis of worth and this seemed like the only thing that made sense. Why else would everything point to me being “pushed aside” and “forgotten.” When I entered the ministry a few years prior to this “crisis” I had just turned 19. Feeling small and inadequate, I laid my life before the Lord and surrendered to His call ready to pour my heart and soul into His work. I grew to love the things He gave me. I…

  • Character

    When the Devil is So Interested

    I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today. Generally the only time I spend in front of a mirror is the 4 or 5 minutes each morning that I pull my hair back and make a brief check for anything overtly embarrassing. But today, I saw myself and I paused to evaluate some things.  While I stood there, obvious changes that have taken place over the last six months quickly became apparent. I have aged. Dramatically. I felt sorry for my husband. I did not have the youthful appearance I had when we first met, or through our happy time of engagement. I was now a woman with…

  • Miscarriage

    The Fish Warranty

    I don’t know what it is about my fish being so teachable lately, but recently, I wrote about Glory the purple fish and how he died, and ended the post with the scripture Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He hath made every thing beautiful in His time…” and while that post was all about ambiguity and how we don’t have to understand God’s ways for Him to receive glory… today, I was struck with something different and it wasn’t elusive. Glory’s life was very brief, reminding me of confusing endings and tragic outcomes… but what I forgot to mention was…. Glory the fish came with a warranty.   A warranty! That means that…

  • Miscarriage

    Glory the Fish: A Tragic but Insightful End

    Well… Glory the purple fish did not last long. Suffice it to say, I have never had good fortune with fish. It was nice while it lasted. There was a little life in our house; something small yet very much alive. Apparently however his time has come, because now he is very much dead. And yet there are so many lessons in a dead fish. I’m sure some people wondered why my “he” fish had a girl’s name. No… I wasn’t trying to make a funny statement, or plotting to make his gender ambiguous. He just kind of “was” to begin with. I mean… he was a purple guy. Purple……

  • Miscarriage

    A Reservoir of Glory: Miscarriage

    We had been married for eight months. I knew that by most people’s standards, this was not long to wait for a child, and because of this, I never voiced my concerns. But it was a concern for multiple reasons that the Lord knows. We wanted a child, and we were afraid that we couldn’t have one. One night in church however, the glory of the Lord filled the house from front to back as people worshiped Him in the most sincere fashion. My mind and heart were so enraptured in the glory of God that the things of this earth, even the most important things, seemed so small and…