Wedding

How to Stay Modest on Your Wedding Day

BrideYou’ve lived a modest life and kept yourself decent all this time. But now… it’s time to buy your wedding dress and you are painfully aware that wedding dresses just don’t come in “modest” anymore.

Over the years I have seen far too many girls sacrifice their modesty on the most important day of their life.

This can be for two reasons:

1. Modesty is largely unavailable in the line of wedding attire for brides (and maids!)

2. It really was in your heart all along to be immodest, and you are using number one as an excuse.

 

What I have learned is that for girls who have modesty in their hearts, they WILL find a way to keep their dream gown decent. If you are planning to get married and you’ve resigned yourself to revealing more than you should, search your heart, because there ARE options.

I’ve heard men say that it would break their hearts and embarrass them if their bride entered the room unveiling her body before an entire crowd of onlookers. It is what should be the happiest moments of your life, and your almost-husband feels uncomfortable and ashamed. What a tragic way to start your marriage! When I was a student in college, I remember clearly a conversation between the guys where they were discussing wedding dresses, and one of them had seen far too many Christian girls sacrifice their modesty and standards on that special day. He said he wanted to be with his fiancee’ (he didn’t have one lined up yet) to help pick it out to ensure it was modest! He was so concerned about having a modest bride that he wanted to break protocol to approve the dress! It matters to them ladies! Guys care about how you are presenting yourself! Wouldn’t it be great if your future husband didn’t have to worry whether you would be modest when the doors opened and you emerged before everyone? That same man later on did in fact get a lady that he could trust to be modest without seeing her gown until the moment he was supposed to, and she was a gorgeous and modest bride that brought him honor on that day, and has continued to bring him honor for the past several years. Your knight in shining armor should feel confident that he can trust you to bring him honor on a day that is just as important to him as it is to you!

Remember ladies, you are supposed to be preserving that for him and him alone!

I solicited the help of several of my married friends, to share with you some of the trouble areas and how they handled them.

First, I’ll show you what I did.

I found the wedding dress of my dreams at David’s Bridal. Everything about it was perfect. I loved the train, and the beautiful beading.

There were two problems with the dress.

1.   One is the big issue all girls face: No SLEEVES. This was easily remedied by a white satin Bolero jacket. Luckily, David’s Bridal sells those. This is a simple fix for any satin gown. We will discuss some more sleeve options for other styles further down in the post.

2. The neckline, though it wasn’t bad, was still not high enough for me to feel comfortable spending an entire day in, with all of the moving around and lots of cameras and guests everywhere.

I actually forgot all about the neckline problem until one or two days before our wedding. When I remembered I panicked! One of my Matron’s of Honor, my best friend Mercy Bruce, came to the rescue with her divine sewing abilities. While I am not very fussy, I was expecting a simple white piece of satin to be pinned into the top, but Mercy thought it would be sad to do that since the top was so prettily beaded. This is something many girls face. She was able to take a piece of beaded fabric from a hidden part of the train, and use that to make an insert for the top of the dress.

For the Bridesmaids’ dresses, we did the same things. I had each of the girls wear the same white jacket I wore. I thought they looked GREAT.

And, Mercy also took the extra fabric from the bottom of the shorter girls’ dresses, and used it to make inserts in their tops as well.

Now! Onto a few of my friends and their dresses (which were ALL beautiful I might add!)

jenny-wedding-copyStephanie-wedding copy

 

kellie-wedding-copy

Amie-wedding copy

 

katrina-weddingJen-weddingclarissa-wedding copyAnd that’s it! What did you do to make sure your dress was modest?Let us know!

 

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15 Comments

  • Candice Matthews

    I had a hard time finding a dress that would be suitable, in the end I picked a dress I liked online and took print out of it and took it to my mums friend. In less than a week the dress was ready, made perfectly for me.
    My bridesmaids however were not as modest and had sleeveless dresses. No plunging necklines thankfully. It is something I look back on now and wish I had done differently but at the time I didn’t think too much of it.

    • Mrs. Pruett

      Hi Jilly! Thanks for the comments! In regards to your question, there are really several reasons that we would consider sleeveless to be immodest, some of them will require me to speak pretty plain. This will be a long response!

      First, sleeveless tops tend to reveal your undergarments, which makes it difficult for guys not to imagine and lust. Peeping bras may not always be the case, but when they do, this creates a definite problem.

      Another reason is that a shirt without sleeves (or even with cap or sheer sleeves) reveals an area below the arm that is attractive to men. I’m not talking about the armpit, but an area of your rib cage. It’s an area of your torso, however slight, that engages the imagination of details only inches away.

      Personally, I view sleeve length the way I view skirt length. The more people can see, the easier it is for them to imagine the full picture.

      It’s not uncommon for people to draw very negative conclusions about women with short skirts. The shorter it is, the more likely we are to think poorly of her. As the hemline creeps up higher and higher, she gets closer and closer to revealing secret places on her body, and… the potential for causing a brother to lust will obviously increase. Not only that, but she’s revealing a lack of self-respect. Sleeves have the same effect. The higher the stitches, the closer you are to revealing a secret place on your body. The more skin that is revealed, and the higher the stitches are, the less there is left to the imagination and the easier you make it for men to lust.

      Sleeveless also appears to be much like underwear, covering only slightly more than your bra would cover. Even with wide straps they cover no more than a Sport’s Bra. The top half of a sleeveless wedding dress then simply looks like a fancy embellished undergarment for the top… and sadly many times the dresses are even skimpier than our undergarments!

      While I was contemplating your question throughout the day, I was thinking about why it is that the idea of “sleeveless being immodest” would be such a foreign concept. There was a time in our society when this fashion and style would without a doubt be immodest and even scandalous. Even in the church it seems to be far-fetched, but sadly, it is because the church has allowed the world to determine our standards of modesty. When it became okay in society, it migrated into the churches until it was commonplace. But… society and social acceptability should not be what governs our modesty. God’s Word and His principles should be the guide.
      When I consider that a sleeveless top just barely covers more than my bra would, I think, how could I ever think of going out of the house like that? I would never walk out of my house in a mini skirt even though it covered a few inches more than my underwear. Why would I do it up top? The top requires just as much care in being modest as the lower regions.

      I don’t want to straddle the fence of modesty. I believe it is important that we do not conduct our modesty in a “how close can I get to being immodest without being immodest?” but rather, “What can I do to make sure I will not cause my brothers to stumble?” and “What can I do to make sure my clothing brings glory to God?” I just can’t believe a “few more inches than a bra” will bring Him glory.

  • Christina @ Virtuous Weddings

    Love this: “Your knight in shining armor should feel confident that he can trust you to bring him honor on a day that is just as important to him as it is to you!” So true!

    There is no need to settle for an immodest wedding dress. Thank you for sharing these ideas. I will bookmark your post for sharing in the future! There are many options. Some of them are listed here: http://www.virtuousweddings.com/modest-wedding-dress-us-spring-2014/

  • Gabby@MamaGab

    Great advice!! I love what your friend did to your neckline. How clever! I would also say that the garter thing is what greatly disturbed me on my wedding day. We never really discussed it, since it seemed such a “normal” thing to do, but when I thought of that whole room full of people seeing my legs I was completely embarrassed! I just wore the garter to keep tradition and took it off on the way to the reception. Then he threw it and I did not have to be mortified!

    • Mrs. Pruett

      I had to laugh when I read what you wrote about the garter! I wore one because I thought it would be special for my husband but was definitely NOT having him take it off in front of anyone. We went somewhere private for him to retrieve it and I was still embarrassed! We did not throw it either because I always thought it was WEIRD to toss a garter to a group of single guys that are supposed to be pure. Not to mention, I thought- if Mark went to a wedding and caught a garter I would demand he burn it and get rid of it! LOL! There is NO WAY I wanted my (then soon to be) husband possessing lingerie of another woman! We gave our bouquet and garter (we were more discreet about the garter) to the couple that had been married the longest to honor faithfulness in marriage. That way, we weren’t giving something scandalous to single guys that should be pure. It was a much more appropriate gift for people who are married!

      • Chelsea Davis

        I love the thought of giving the bouquet and garter to the couple who had been married the longest! I so wish I had thought of that! Steve and I didn’t do the garter toss either. It saved me some money and the embarrassment of anyone witnessing such a private moment. Great article! Such beautiful brides with their modesty preserved!

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