There is a special place in my heart for young ladies who are trusting God to bring their love story to fruition. My heart yearns to see God move on their behalf so they might experience the joys of what He will do, when He is permitted to have His perfect way in their lives. I love to hear the testimonies of girls who are holding on and refusing to give in to a dating system that promises failure, and are consecrating their lives to God, regardless of how long He chooses to make them wait. That encourages me, and I am honored whenever one of those girls speaks up and says “thank you!” for being a voice in the “wilderness” of single-dom.
There is however an issue that is becoming either more prevalent or more obvious, that I believe must be dealt with. I debated talking about this, because I do not want to be the enemy of all the single young ladies I love so deeply. I imagine that those who are doing right will appreciate this article, but right now, my heart holds a degree of urgency for the young ladies who may feel the sting of reproof in my words. I say a lot about not “settling for second best” and I make a lot of statements about God rewarding patience… I tell girls to aim for the godly and upright man.
Something I have noticed however, over the course of time, is that for every one godly, upright girl that is blessed by such encouragement, there is a handful of girls that “latch on” to the appealing, easy aspects of these teachings, but neglect the personal responsibility to BE the girl that is WORTHY of these things.
I wish I did not have to go down this road, and talk about this issue, but, it is part and parcel of the message. If you want those wonderful things to happen in your life, you have to be a girl that DESERVES those things in your life.
You don’t simply inherently qualify for “God’s Best Suitor,” because you are a girl and because you are a Christian. You have a RESPONSIBILITY to LIVE UP TO the standard you desire in a man.
So, I am forced to deal with an issue.
That issue is our conduct.
And that issue is ESPECIALLY our conduct in a social media world.
What I find is that much of the questionable conduct is arising from a surprising source…
What is it?
It is the single, Christian young lady.
Now, just to clarify things, I know that we live in a wicked world and sin is everywhere. This is not a “bash the single girls piece” and if you have read anything I have ever written to the single girl, you will know that is the farthest thing from my intentions. I know that it is not ONLY the single, Christian ladies, and it is certainly not ALL of the single, Christian ladies. But… since I am talking to the single, Christian ladies, that is what I am going to deal with.
I have pondered certain internet and social media habits among you, and these are some of the things that bother me and really have me asking myself, “Are you really holding out for God’s best? Or are you just trying to solicit the attention of a good guy by saying you are holding out for God’s best?” When I see some of these social media behaviors, I really have to wonder if you aren’t a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Maybe you’ll recognize them.
1. Seductive Poses
The kissy faces, the eyes that scream “desire”, the inappropriate way you pose with your BFFs, your waists/chests glued to one another so you look like lesbians. WHY? What exactly is your motive in striking a racy pose or one that looks like perversion? Are you trying to make your Christian brother lust? Do you think it is entertaining? What kind of godly young lady makes pretending to be the worst kind of sinful entertaining? What manner of wholesome young lady parades such behavior in front of our Christian brothers who NEED us to be modest and chaste in our conduct? None… there is no GODLY young lady that does that, regardless of whether or not she wants to bear the title.
Proverbs chapter 5 speaks of an immoral woman who is a snare to young men, who seduces with sweetness, but ultimately, seeks their destruction. You are the Christian seductress. Do you see the irony in that title? Because you are Christian, you seem innocent enough… but when you set yourself up in a picture in a manner that is seductive or enticing, whether by the way you pose or the way you look into the camera, you are not only TEMPTING young men to lust, you are CAUSING them to lust. You, as their sister in the Lord, are MAKING them struggle with their GREATEST enemy. You should be aiming to PROTECT them and guard them from this rampant enemy they must face in the world day in and day out… but you are bringing one of man’s greatest struggles to one of the places he should be the SAFEST… among his fellow believers.
2. Questionable language & flirtatious commenting
When you call each other “hot” or “sexy” because you think it’s cute. When you make remarks of a suggestive nature, “just being funny”. I have even seen some of you make these remarks to your Christian brothers, in which case you are playing with FIRE. Not only is this the way of the world, but it can quickly and easily descend into full blown sin, as the “joke” becomes a lure and someone gets caught, and real flirting begins. There have been young people who play this game only to find themselves bound by sexting and even caught in the snare of lesbianism.
Why would you want to be even remotely associated with such a thing? 2 Corinthians 6:17 says “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.” Don’t join in and participate with sin and worldliness. You are commanded to be DIFFERENT, and to make yourself distinct from this world.
3. #MCM (Instagram’s “Man Crush Monday”)
This is one I find really questionable. When you are “crushing”, drooling, foaming at the mouth over Ryan Gosling (the guy that says “Hey Girl”) and celebrities who claim to be Christians. I did a bit of googling to find out who this Gosling fellow was… I was not at all surprised to find he is an actor of R rated movies with STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT, but I was extremely disappointed in our young ladies. I surely hope you have never watched them. Maybe you just think it’s cute because there’s a cheesy Christian pick-up line on the meme, but when I read your comments ON the pictures, they are of a lustful nature! I’ve seen from our very own Christian young ladies, “Mmm… give me some of that!” “I wouldn’t mind having that for Valentine’s Day.” And “Oooooh yeeeeah.” Insert whatever comment you’ve read, re-posting it is not only advocating sinful entertainment, but it’s revealing your corrupt and lustful heart!
If a guy did this with pictures of a girl, honestly ladies, you would, and should be disgusted. The road goes both ways.
This goes for every celebrity or “attractive” meme guy… what is the point of drooling over them anyway? You’re never going to marry them, so your “looking” is a wandering lustful eye. Furthermore, their sinful lifestyle ought to make the notion repulsive to you! Pray for God to purify your heart and turn your gaze of admiration to someone who is WORTH admiring, like a godly prayer warrior or a man who is putting God first in his life.
There is nothing inherently wrong with a picture of yourself, or a picture of yourself with friends or loved ones… the problem arises when it becomes obvious to everybody else that you are obsessed with yourself, your clothes, your hair, your purses, your cute expressions, etc. What it boils down to is self-love, self-worship and self- advertisement- none of which bring glory to God.
Furthermore, John 3:30 states “He must increase, I must decrease.” I am perplexed by things like “selfie Sunday.” Sunday is a day of worship where our hearts and minds should be fixed on God… and instead you start the day out by snapping a picture of your hair and outfit to bring attention to yourself. As a godly young lady, we should be seeking for ways to minimize self, and magnify and glorify God.
I have also heard the “low self-esteem” I’m “baring my true self” versions of the selfie, and I have read the self-defacing comments like “I look so terrible!” or “I’m learning to love myself, flaws and all.” Did you know that “low self-esteem” is actually just another way to be proud? I know it sounds shocking, but think about it.
Self-esteem, whether high or low is focus on self.
Focus on self is where we all go wrong. Quit looking at your flaws. God designed you. Are you going to criticize His workmanship?
Good self-esteem is not the answer to bad self-esteem. I could write a whole blog post on the self-esteem lie, but I’ll try to stay on topic. The answer to negative feelings about yourself is to first and foremost, focus on God. Focus on living your life to please HIM and HONOR Him and GLORIFY Him. When you do that, you’ll stop feeling “low” about yourself, because you’ll realize it’s not about you. Maybe another day I will expound on this topic, but for now, this will do.
Overall, it is my burden to see young ladies grow in all godliness, and seek to become a Proverbs 31 kind of woman. I sit in anxious waiting to see your love stories unfold beautifully, with just as much excitement as I had and have in my own! I pray for the single girls, and I ask God to reward them for their faithfulness and steadfast consecration… but I’m going to be honest with you. I pray for the young men too, and I pray for God’s mighty protection on them, when young ladies, who are snares are presented available before them. I pray that God gives them the wisdom to see that a young lady that is bearing evidence of corrupt fruit, is not a young lady he should spend the rest of his life with.
You see ladies, purity, as the title says, is not just about couples abstaining from sex until they are married. It’s not just about keeping your hands off. It’s a condition of our heart that will shine forth in everything we do. Where there is impurity, there will be evidences of impurity. Where there is a seductive spirit, there will be evidence of seduction. Where there is vanity, vanity will make itself known. You can try to mask it by adding “Christian” to the memes that encourage lust, or by accompanying your desire filled eyes with an ankle length frock, but until purity is in your heart, you are not going to be the girl that God honors when He writes your love story.
Until you make a change, you are just another single girl, waiting for a boyfriend.
My heart is with you while you grow and wait!