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Every once in a while, the internet graces us with a viral post about why men should be helping with the housework. Women go crazy over this kind of thing. If you read through the comment sections you’ll see scads of them cheering on the concept.
But I have to confess… whenever I see one of these articles and their comments I cringe a bit inside.
So many women are proclaiming the need for men to do “their share” and bemoaning the fact that “it’s not fair” for it to all fall on the women.
It makes me wonder if there are any left.
Are there still wives that so fully embrace their God-given role as the homemaker that they don’t feel the need to pawn it off, even partially, on their husbands?
Are there any wives out there that still cling to the femininity of cooking and cleaning without balking that they must do it “all”?
I was blessed to grow up in a home where my mother gratefully served my father. When he came home from work she fixed his plate and brought it to him. She stayed up late washing his only pair of work clothes. She got up early and packed his lunch. She kept the house.
She even had a full-time job. Sometimes she had multiple jobs.
Plus six kids.
I’m thankful that I had that example. Even though I left home at 16 and was whisked into the world of working women before I learned half the things a wife should know, she still set the standard for me.
Now that I am a wife myself, I don’t expect it from my husband, and here’s why.
1. I’m Capable of Doing it.
Sure, there are times when it is exhausting, self-sacrificing and overwhelming, but I’m not infirm or incompetent. We are told all the time that women are strong and we can do anything… well… I’m strong enough to handle the housework by myself. Hey, I’m even capable of most of those things women throw on “honey-do” lists. All you need is Google and access to his tools, ladies.
2. I Want to Lighten His Load.
The last thing I want to do is add burden to my husband by requiring or expecting help around the house. When he comes home, I want him to be able to sit down and unwind without extra duties looming over his head.
3. It’s my God-given Role.
God made man and wife to complement one another. He has a mandatory obligation to provide, and I have a mandatory obligation to make the best of and care for what he has provided. If we respect those roles, we are an unbeatable team. If we resist them, we will have inevitable problems.
4. It’s Not His Nature
My husband, like most, does not have the innate nature I have, to cook and clean. If he is left to himself, he will drink out of the same cup without washing it for 3 weeks and eat Taco Bell every night. God gave him an entirely different set of goals and ambitions that become him. And God granted the instincts of homemaking to me. What is the point of trying to force your husband to be something he isn’t? Why not be grateful and rejoice in what he already is?
5. He’s Already Doing “His Share”
It seems like women are all about “fairness” and “equality” between the husband the wife nowadays. But what is fair about my husband working hard to provide everything we have, and then tacking on extra at home? I feel like he’s doing plenty to “contribute” to our home. Even when I have a job it doesn’t mean half of my responsibilities go to him. See, he has a mandatory obligation to provide and work. I have the mandatory obligation of caring for the home, and the option of working. If I can’t manage both, I don’t delegate my first priorities to him… I do what I have to do to make sure I fulfill my biblical duties before I expand into other things.
6. It Shows Gratitude
When I’m doing housework, I am constantly thinking about how Mark provided whatever I am cleaning or cooking. I think in Mark’s eyes, and most mens’, that gratefulness can be measured by how well you care for what they have given you.
7. It’s an Expectation that Will Lead to Nagging
If I expected my husband to help, I would also have to remind him to do it. It would become an unnecessary frustration for both of us.
8. It Demonstrates Submission
In this day and age, many women have forgotten that the husband is the head of the wife. The popular opinion is that we are equal and everything should be equal, but biblically, he is my authority. Expecting him to do chores is like suggesting we are on the same level, and I don’t want that kind of dynamic in my family. I love to honor him. I look forward to serving him. I want my husband to feel like a king in his home.
9. It Deprives Him of the Opportunity to Be a Blessing
Every once in a while, Mark does the unexpected and cleans something up of his own freewill. These instances are a pleasant surprise that he bestows upon me to show his love and affection and it means the world to me. Not because I needed help or expected him to do it, but because he chose to do it. There’s something about knowing he did it because he wanted to and not because he had to.
10.The Bible Says I am HIS helpmeet… not the other way around
I was created to help him. If anyone should be contributing to the other’s role, it should be me stretching myself to help him..
I realize that, in this era, a sassy “get it yourself” is more popular than humbly fetching a glass of sweet tea for your deserving husband, but goodness gracious… that is not the wife I want to be. I want to honor him. To be a blessing to him. I want to embrace what God has made me so fully that there isn’t room for him to jump in. I want to cherish the femininity of the duties I am expected to carry out.
I was created to help him.
And it’s my job to do the dishes.
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